Another Birthday

I totally dread any day with any special meaning since Pat is gone. It just seems so pointless without him that I don’t even bother celebrating. Today is my birthday. Last night I was really down. I couldn’t sleep… then finally cried myself to sleep. Sometimes the pain of missing him is so overwhelming, it just engulfs me. Every night, I pick a scripture to post on my facebook. Sometimes, I choose one from opening the Bible. Sometimes, I use a verse of the day app. Last night, the verse came up:

Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.  John 16:20

God never fails me.  When I am at my lowest, He puts His arms around me and comforts me. Do I still hurt? Yes. Do I still miss my husband? Yes. But I know that I am not alone and that God is with me. I know that His infinite wisdom sees all and knows all and that He will never let me down. I know that He has a reason for me to be here without Pat, so I continue each day, trying to carry out His plan for me.

I did have a couple of good moments today. I received an email from a lady that enjoyed my blog. It’s always nice to get mail saying that something you posted helped someone. Sometimes I’ve gotten hate mail because I publicly say I love Jesus. You wouldn’t believe. :(  But this was a nice email. I’ve always said, I don’t want to be left on this earth without Pat, but if I have to be here, then let me touch one person’s life with God’s light and love. If I can help just one person… then it’s all worth it.

The second nice thing that happened was a surprise. I truly believe without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus is coming VERY soon. I adopted some rescue horses last fall and have a guy that brings hay to them. He is a Mennonite. Today, when he delivered the hay, he told my dad he was moving away so he wanted to get us as well stocked up as possible.  He said he could bring 10 bales out at a time. Well, our horses usually go through a bale a week. My dad mentioned that he believed we were in the end times and that the Rapture could occur any time now. With the way things were in Israel and the Middle East, we may not need those 10 bales. Then, the hay guy, a Mennonite, AGREED with him! He said he believed it would be very soon, too. We may not need more than 4-8 more bales if even that!!

Now, don’t get me wrong. None of us is date setting. We just see the signs that the Bible tells us about and as it says, you will know the season. I truly believe we are in that season… and that is the best birthday gift of all… knowing that I will stand in the presence of Jesus and see my husband, soon.


2 Responses to “Another Birthday”

  • Melissa says:

    You are such a strong person…..I am not sure if I would have your strength if I were in the same situation. Just hang close to those who support you in Christ. That which does not kill us only makes us stronger! You are a steel magnolia.

    • Stephanie says:

      Thank you but I’m not so sure. I only know God’s grace is sufficient for each day. When He’s all you have, He’s all you need. Thank you for your kind words though!

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